The beginning...and the fear.

So...I guess it's finally time that I start using this to explain more. My name is Meredith Harber and you are likely viewing this blog because I invited you to understand more about my trip to Jerusalem. I know I'm going to ramble a lot in these blog postings. I also know that unless this includes spell check or grammar check, you will have to suffer my errors. Please comment lots and ask me questions about the process. This is designed to include YOU in my mission. I am not alone in this world and I'm not alone in Jerusalem. I need emotional support, but I need to share this with people. I need you to experience this with me.

Here's the life story to start out this process:

My name is Meredith Harber and I'm from a teeny tiny town called Marion Center, Pennsylvania. I've been raised by my mom. I have an older sister, Amanda, who is going into her second year of law school at Rutgers Camden, and a younger brother, Chip, who is going into his junior year at Penn State University. I graduated from Seton Hill University in May 2008 with my BA in Psychology. I have no intention of using a degree in Psychology, but I genuinely enjoyed studying the courses. I was heavily involved in my campus life (i.e. student ambassador, RA/Head RA, Student-body Activities Council, Habitat for Humanity, etc).

I began at Seton Hill with the intention of getting certified in Elementary/Special and Early Childhood Education; I wanted to be a teacher. It was obvious for me. I had wanted to do it since seventh grade. The spring of my junior year though, this plan started to "fall apart." I wasn't feeling the joy of being in a classroom and I wasn't feeling the connection of what I was doing to the kids. At the same time, I was starting to get these moments of feeling a sense of call to the church. I still don't even know how to explain it. In the summer of 2007, I sat and prayed a lot. I came to the sense that God was calling me to ordained ministry. I still doubt sometimes, but I feel like this is where I'm called.

So...I entered my senior year of college and dropped the certifications. This was fine, because I went to one of the few schools where you major in something other than education. I've spent the last year trying to listen to the new plan for life and what was involved in that process. I was insanely blessed with an opportunity to serve as the Director of Youth Ministry for a church near my school. It is crazy for me to look back and think about that process, because it brought me to the reason of why I'm even blogging about Jerusalem! I was informed about the position in the end of November, applied by the beginning of December, and heard nothing. I remember calling over Christmas break and trying to get some information. Everyone I talked to reminded me to be patient and understand that it was the "Christmas season" at the church. I still hadn't heard anything by early January, so I started to look for other options. I had convinced myself that I would love that job and that I would stay there after graduation. I would get an apartment and coach swimming, in addition to the position at the church. It was perfect...except I still hadn't been called.

I sat at my kitchen table talking to my mom one weekend about the people from my high school. We talked about the number of girls who were pregnant and/or married, and how scary that was! My mom said, "You're too young for all of that. Go! Do stuff! Go places!" Then, she got really solemn and said, "Mer, I probably shouldn't tell you this." I got nervous, because I thought she was going to tell me that someone had died or something crazy. She goes on to say, "I was reading the Seeds of Parish newsletter, and..." (I'm panicking here that the Lutheran church just passed a decree to eliminate women from ordained ministry) "...there's a program in Jordan that's like Habitat for Humanity." I was like, "That's awesome! I want to do it!" I read the article and immediately went and researched Global Mission work through the ELCA. I applied with their general application, until the kicked back and asked me to apply for the Young Adults in Global Mission Program. It was really crazy to fill out this application, because it asked for my country preferences. I listed like, Kenya, South Africa, and India, for no reason whatsoever. I sent this away and basically forgot about it.

The church finally called me about an interview. I interviewed Tuesday and they offered me the position. I made it clear that I would be excited for the opportunity, but that I would be going back to camp Lutherlyn and that I didn't know where I'd be after the summer. They accepted me lovingly and said they would feel honored to have me even for a few months. I accepted the position Thursday night and was introduced to the congregation Sunday morning, without even the council's approval! This floored me! First of all, I was ecstatic to have an opportunity where they understood my inability to guarantee a future with them. Second, the speed that this process moved was astounding. It took them two months to call me and a few days to have me in place. I believe this was definitely God in the works. I never would have been open to the opportunity for Global Mission had I been called in December for the job. I would have shut down and focused on the happy apartment/youth director/swim coach plan.

The YAGM program then accepted me and recommended that I interview for South Africa and Jerusalem/West Bank. I had no preference whatsoever. My mom got really excited for Jerusalem and told me to go there. She had seen TWO television specials and thought it was beautiful! I went to the discernment/interview weekend in Wisconsin with no preference. I was feeling more like I was going to Jerusalem, but with no concrete reason why. After interviewing with both country coordinators, I liked the interview with Jerusalem better, but I liked the country presentation for South Africa better. We were allowed to write our preference on an index card that could be used in the decisions. I didn't fill one out. I didn't know what to write! I remember that all of the YAGM interviewees were hanging out by a fire, singing our favorite camp songs and chattering away, with the one Global Mission staff member came and asked me if I had filled out a card. I said no and explained my reasoning. She asked if I had a preference, while on the phone with somebody in the deliberations. This was probably one of the scariest moments of my life. I gave up control, which is hard for me, and I said, "Nope, no preference. I'll go wherever." I was nauseous. The next morning they read the assignments. I was going to Jerusalem. Correction: I am going to Jerusalem. I leave for my orientation in Chicago two weeks from today. I fly to Tel Aviv three weeks from today. Holy scary.

What do I know about my life there? I know I'm working at a Lutheran school in Bethlehem. I know I'll have a "secure space/bedroom" in a flat in Beit Jala or Bethlehem. I know I am one of six Americans going with the YAGM program. I know we'll go to Jordan every three months to renew our visas, which means I'll be spending my first Thanksgiving away from my family in Jordan. I know that I will have to take other papers to have them stamped with the Israeli markings, so that I may enter other countries that "do not care" for the Israelis, to but it lightly. That's pretty much all I know. I watched a video of a sunrise service on the Mount of Olives for Easter morning and decided that's where I'll be spending my Easter morning! I know I'd like to visit Cairo when I'm there. I know I'll probably be hot...a lot.

I am really excited about this whole thing. I know I'm doing the right thing. I know that God has blessed me richly with opportunities for growth and learning. I get it...really. I'm just terrified right now though. I am leaving the country for a year. That means, I'm saying goodbye, or "See you later," to everything and more importantly, everyone I know. I don't get homesick. I love travel. I love new experiences. My mom even calls me the gypsy. It's fun! I love running around and being exposed to something radically different. I'm terrified about making that trip to Wal-mart though, where I buy a year's worth of Ibuprofen, Band-aids, and socks. I said goodbye to Seton Hill in May. I'm starting my Lutherlyn goodbyes (I affirmed my last campers ever on Friday night and sang on Chapel Hill with the staff for the last time tonight).

I can't say that this year is going to be easy. In fact, I know it's going to be hard. I know I'm going to be pushed and shoved and kicked around. I also know that God has been preparing me for this for at least a year that I can see, let alone the length of time He has been working on my personality and strengths. I'm excited and scared and wondering how this will all work out.

I really want to write a prayer out now, so here it goes.

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me this opportunity. Thank you for giving me the ambition to try this even though I'm terrified. Thank you for family and friends who support me and love me and take my hand when they see me crying on Chapel Hill. Thank you for surrounding me with the community of Lutherlyn to comfort me as I jet-set for this new world. Please bring me peace and patience. Let me cry, but give me people to rub my arm and just sit with me. Please also be with the people I have yet to meet. Please be with my family and friends as they are adjusting to the idea of me leaving for a year. God, I ask for and thank you for all of these things in your most precious and holy son, Jesus Christ. Amen.

Alright, I need to head to bed for the night, so I can finish out a strong week 8 at Lutherlyn! My last week on summer staff ever. My last everything. I feel like I'm dying. It's weird. I'm rambling. Good night.

Much love,
Meredith